


Reid Gets A Haircut

by FredandGeorgeasaurusRex



Category: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - All Media Types, Criminal Minds, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Ice Age (Movies), StarKid Productions RPF
Genre: M/M, Other, This is ridiculous, and i am sorry in advance for what you are about to read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-24
Updated: 2014-04-24
Packaged: 2018-01-20 16:27:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1517342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FredandGeorgeasaurusRex/pseuds/FredandGeorgeasaurusRex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reid ventures into Wizarding London (by accident) to get a new haircut...but what will happen there! Ice Age, Criminal Minds, Harry Potter, Starkid. Draco/Harry/Reid. Extremely OOC!.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reid Gets A Haircut

Spencer Reid was just living it up in the FBI one day, like he does, when he spied himself in one of the 16 trilllion billion thousand karillion googolplex mirrors he kept in his office. “I need a new hairstyle!” he said excitedly, for the trillionth billionth thousandth kariliionth googolplexth time that season.

So, on his lunch break, he set off into London (because he did not feel like visiting any American shops that day, and he wanted to use his air miles). He came to a random normal looking street with lots of random normal looking shops in it. Being the klutz he is, however, he closed his eyes for a really long blink and walked in between two of the random normal looking shops. Much to his surprise, however, he did not get a massive bruise that Derek Morgan could kiss better later – he got into a pub. The Leaky Cauldron!

Reid walked straight through the Leaky Cauldron without looking at anybody and through the back door (please feel free to write your own explanation as to why he did this – I am an FF writer, not a miracle worker or an expert as to the mind of Dr Dr Spencer Reid) He saw the wall, and decided to use this as an opportunity to practice his make out skills, ready for (SEASON 8 SPOILER ALERT) his season 8 girlfriend. He accidently pressed the right bricks in the right pattern and fell through the wall, into Diagon Alley.

“Wow”, he said, “I’m in Diagon Alley. I can tell because of all this nice 4th century architecture, amidst the other century architecture, amidst the wizards, amidst the sign that says ‘Welcome to Diagon Alley. Magical beings only’. Oh well. I’ve still gotta get my hair cut!”

Luckily, straight in front of him was a shop called ‘Draco Extremely Magical Sexy Beast Abs-worth-licking Beautiful Hair Man’s Hair Salon Emporium’.

“Sounds like the right place for me!” said Reid, 0.00034 seconds later (because nobody reads as fast as Reid!) “Even though I normally get my hair cut at that homeless man’s cardboard box in the charity shop doorway using a pair of blunt nail clippers, this’ll have to do.”

He went inside, and got his haircut by Draco himself. Moments later, Harry Potter walked in! Reid had no idea who he was, but it only took him 12 minutes to read all of the Harry Potter books, so then he went, “Bloo’y hell! Its Arry Potterrr!”

Reid, Draco and all Draco’s other customers all proceeded to sing ‘Harry Freakin’ Potter’ to Harry, as they did most days when Harry came to visit his long term boyfriend. After the song, Harry saw Draco run his fingers through Reid’s hair (only because he was cutting it though – Drarry forever!) and swelled with rage. He turned into a blueberry, like Violet Beauregarde, and was about to explode when some Oompa Loompas appeared and rolled him out of the salon, singing a song. Sadly though, the door way was not big enough to fit Harry through! The Oompa Loompas looked at each other, and then said “Eh. We can’t be bothered. We are sooo not getting paid enough as it is!”

“och noooo!!!” wailed Draco in a Scottish accent (yes I know he is not Scottish!! He is doing it for DRAMATIC EFFECT!!) “What are we going to do now?!?!”

Just then, at that moment, CRASH AND EDDIE from Ice Age smashed through the ceiling on (ICE AGE 4 SPOILER ALERT) a massive whale called Precious! They had unicorns and rainbows and glitter and fireworks exploding all around them, and even more glitter and sparkles seemed to be coming out of their bellybuttons! Everyone was completely dazzled and was clapping and cheering like mad, and many people were ripping off their t-shirts to reveal ‘I <3 CRASH AND EDDIE’ t-shirts underneath!

“We are here to save the day” they said in magnificent voices, and everybody in the crowd cheered.

Crash magicked a dance floor and did a tap dance whilst Eddie used a magic harpoon that a wizard man at Ludlow Christmas Fair had given him to pierce Harry. Blueberry juice spurted out of him, and everybody was really happy because blueberry juice that has had magic harpoonness added to it makes you look extremely beautiful, so everybody paid Draco lots of money because they were at his salon when it happened.

Harry had still not forgiven Draco though! And now, Draco and Reid’s beauty had been magnified by the blueberry/magic harpoon juice – Harry fancied both of them now! (Not that it really made Reid that hot cos he was quite ugly to begin with)

So Harry and Reid decided to have a rap battle! Reid did not even want to go out with Draco; he just wanted to practice his rapping for the International Slightly Ugly Homeless Man Lookalike Genius Criminal Catcher Rapper of the Year Awards.

This is what Harry rapped:

I’m the boy who lived/the chosen one/I am practically blind/I don’t know where my friends have gone

I suck at Potions/I suck other things too/please go back out with me Draco/I want to marry you/and do other naughty unmentionable things along the theme of sucking that I cant say

This is what Reid rapped:

‘Lalalla/sing dis song/im such a hardcore rapper/I say fings dat don’t even rhyme/like a HOMELESS MAN

Draco draco you’re so fit/your hair is so shiny/and I like the look of your business portfolio/unless you go out with me/I will hurt you cos I got schizophrenia but im in denial about it

Word to mah homiess$ss$$s’

Draco was so impressed! He said…………

*SUSPENSE AND DRAMATIC MUSIC/LIGHTING*

“EW get a grip reid you manko you have wizz all down your trousers and a cat was obviously sick on your jumper so no.”

Everybody cheered


End file.
